A Prayer For The Weary: "Lord, Lead Me Out"

Will you be here for me now,

John 10:3 "He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out."

when all is falling down?
When my eyes see only darkness
all around?

I long to believe
that your hand is helping me,
but your voice is still,
and I don't hear a sound.

I've waited for so long,
with my heart
no longer strong,
won't you call
your sheep by name
and lead me out?

The Word I Can't Use

"Ugly."

I can't say it.

Some words just don't fit
into my vocabulary,
don't naturally roll off my tongue,
and ugly is one of them.

Too many things about it bother me:

-its suggestion that there is a right and a wrong way to look,
  
-its implication that the person branding someone ugly
has authority to evaluate appearances,

-its disrespect, criticalness, harsh judgment.

Life Lessons From My Time As A Kisser

Senior year. I had become terribly ill with a case of the flu, which would take me a few weeks to kick. For once in my life, I actually hated to miss school. I had my first boyfriend. The two of us, along with our group of friends, had a select spot where we hung out in the mornings as we waited for the bell to ring---seated on the floor leaning against the lockers in the Business hall. I was an upperclassman, ranked 9th in my class, got to leave school after lunch and drive in my own car to a co-op job where my minimum wage made me feel rich....and I had a boyfriend. Life had never been so amazing.

Then the flu slowed me down for a few miserable weeks. But my distress turned to embarrassed horror one afternoon when my boyfriend called, and his groggy voice croaked, "I'm sick. I think I've got the flu too. I had to leave school early....They're all joking, you know...since we're both sick. They're saying we got it from kissing."

When Did I Learn...?

When did I start getting old?
When did I become conscious of
how much water I drink,
how much sunscreen I use,
not carrying in too many groceries at once?

When did sleep become a priority?
When did I start believing that stress really can
destroy your physical and emotional health?
When did medical tests become a regular routine
instead of a rare occurrence?

Disregarded

I lay on the examining table for my second appointment of the week. For a long time, I had been having trouble with a medical problem that doctors just couldn't quite pinpoint and agree on.

"Where does most of the pain seem to be coming from?" the physical therapist asked.

Gesturing with my hands, I began describing the symptoms I have been struggling to describe to doctors for the past five years. But this time, I didn't express the ailments from my own perspective; I relayed another medical explanation a doctor had given for the possible cause of my pain.

The physical therapist shook his head and gave a small point in my direction, "No," he said, "where do YOU feel like the pain is coming from?"

American Idol---In My Living Room.

That's what was going on at my place last night.

One of my nightly medicines has interesting side effects. I become very relaxed and unguarded, honest and unconcerned with anyone's opinion of me. As much as I hate needing to take it, I sometimes wonder if the 'me' who emerges afterwards is the true 'me,' the self that appears when nothing is holding me back.

I had taken my medicine last night, but my mind was still spinning around a song I had written. My roommate was catching up on some tasks in the kitchen. Her dog was cozily relaxing on the floor. I knew I needed to crawl into bed, but my keyboard looked like it was waiting for me. Just once, I thought to myself. I'll run through that song just once.