One Day, She Will Know

"So what's happened?" I asked, leaning towards her. "You've lost your motivation for music. What's going on?"

"I don't knowww," she groaned, throwing her head back, and I caught her glancing at the clock as she did. "I mean, I do like it sometimes. If I like the song. And if it doesn't take a lot of practice."

"You used to love practicing. Are you playing your clarinet much?" I prodded.

"Ehh," she evaded.

"How about your ukulele?" 

"Ohhh. I learned that one song. A while back."

"Do you still enjoy singing?" I continued.

"I just don't know!" she answered, with all the dramatic exasperation of a fourteen-year-old.

"Is it because of all these boys you've been talking to lately?" I asked directly.

Incomplete Stories

The impact took my breath, and for a moment I just sat in my car where I had been backed in traffic at a stoplight, and I tried to process. "Was I hit? I was hit." I waited for the driver of the vehicle behind me to come speak to me, check on me, but no one budged, as other cars zipped around us. My hand rubbed the base of my head, which was hurting on the right side, even along my right jaw, and my head felt funny---fuzzy and swimmy. (Probably should have had that checked out.) But operating on pure adrenaline, I jumped out of my car instead and raced to the vehicle behind me, not sure what I would find.

I could see her with her head leaned back against the seat, tears streaming down her face. When she saw me, she rolled down her window and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes!" I answered. "Are you okay?"

She nodded as she got out of her car, wiping her eyes. "Yeah, it just scared me," she sobbed.

When There Are No Rainbows

When one of my
favorite organizations, TWLOHA,
named this week as
National Suicide Prevention Week,
it hit me stronger than I expected---
perhaps because, by this stage in my life,
I've known many people who have either attempted or committed suicide,
or perhaps because I think about deeper and less shallow subjects
than I focused on ten years ago,
or maybe simply because I personally know how desperate hopelessness can feel.

And a haunting memory has crept in and out of my thoughts during this past week.