I Wasn't A Leader

"Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” ~Exodus 4:12

I recently became Director at the music academy where I've been teaching for the past year, which means my duties now also include a lot of managing, administrating, and complete unlimited permission to be creative---to think up ideas and experiment with new attempts.

"Jesus Ain't No Wimp"

Sometimes I think the Church gets things wrong.

I'm not even broaching heavy, theological debates, but some of the seemingly smaller day-to-day choices people face.

I have a friend who is extremely talented, but has trouble fully believing in her capabilities. A few nights ago, when telling me about her plans to step out and use her skills more, she relayed how a well-meaning relative had said to her:

"If any of this works out for you, 
don't let it go to your head."

The Clarity Question

"Is this truth? 
Is it absolutely, 
unequivocally true?" 

That has become my question, 
when I need steering from
confusion back to clarity,
when I need to detect deception
instead of falling for fabrication,

when I receive messages
that I need to:

obtain a certain look,
be married by a definitive age,
have a specific number of kids,
pursue a particular plan for my life.

Bits Of Heaven

You made the sun to shine
and light the earth
throughout the day.
You cast the moon
and stars in space
and hung the Milky Way.

You poured the sea
and caused the waves
to break upon the sand.
You set the creeks
to flow through woods
and run o'er rolling land.

You shaped the tallest mountain,
filled the lakes, and formed the hills,
planted flowers in the meadows,
colored green the summer fields.

You carved the deepest canyon,
painted rainbows far above,
touched earth with bits of heaven
just to share with us your love.

Written April 9, 1999

21 years old

All The Wrong Messages

At every recent doctor appointment, the TMJ specialist points out, medically, how I've experienced a dramatic decrease in symptoms.

And at every recent doctor appointment, the TMJ specialist points out, aesthetically, something he finds unsatisfactory in me.

At first I told myself it was probably my imagination or I was taking his remarks wrong. After all, some people simply have very direct, blunt personalities that aren't intentionally trying to cause harm. But appointment after appointment, I left with a new criticism ringing in my ear. "I think he would sign me up for 'Extreme Makeover' if I would let him," I thought in agitation.

One Of The Strangest Prayers I've Prayed

The past week I have spent my reading time before bed getting wrapped up in some of the most interesting books I've ever read in a while:

my journals.

I've been re-reading entries I've written over the past eight years. And let me tell you, in all seriousness, they have been page-turners. Better than some novels I have read. I should probably publish those babies and make some serious money---if not for the utter humiliation they would bring me.

Some of the entries were quite lovely---filled with beautiful prayers written carefully in my best penmanship, thoughtful poems, and original song lyrics---things I would even re-read when I need to give myself some encouragement. I wrote some of the same thoughts over and over----requests for God to bring me to the other side of the most recent heartache, or to help me with the music I was learning that week. Other entries were, well, not quite so poetic.