I recently became Director at the music academy where I've been teaching for the past year, which means my duties now also include a lot of managing, administrating, and complete unlimited permission to be creative---to think up ideas and experiment with new attempts.
The guarded side of me, made wary by life, is cautious that my new venture could end at any moment. But still, for the present, I am loving it. I have responded to it the same way I typically respond to any creative challenge---feeling extra bursts of dynamic enthusiasm, hyper energy that keeps my mind spinning and heart racing (which drastically worsens my already present sleep disorder).
And I feel like I have just met a new side of myself. Qualities I didn't believe existed in me are being called forth. Those things I didn't think I could do? Turns out I can do them.
I wasn't a leader. At least, I didn't think I was. I was the Moses who said, "That's just not 'me,' God. You know all the reasons I can't do that." I was the quiet, agreeable participant in the background---not the one who made decisions or spoke up or bravely shared my ideas.
Who is this new person?!
But in the midst of the excitement of my new undertaking and and the surprise of self-discovery, I feel another rather human emotion:
vulnerability.
I feel very out-in-the-open. I can't hide now:
Our music school needs to grow.
Our website needs articles.
Our teachers need students.
Students need opportunities.
Communities need the arts.
Pushing past "vulnerable" is now part of my job.
I truly am overly excited. I am eager and hopeful. I am passionate and confident.
But I am completely out of my comfort zone.
Leaders, have you ever been thrilled by a new opportunity,
but felt completely uncomfortable at the same time?
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