I've heard the accusation a few times, and I believed it. After all, I take my time getting to know people and don't trust immediately. Their words reiterated my belief that I was thoroughly damaged and injured, incapable of having meaning-ful, trust-filled relationships.
In the past year, I began understanding the accuracy of those incriminating words. I did have trust issues.
But not with other people.
With myself.
My intuition has been steady and capable as long as I can remember. But I didn't trust it. I wanted my instincts to make sense and be logical. If I couldn't explain that nagging perception inside of me, I---regretfully---sometimes discounted it.
The times I felt hesitant to trust were less about issues and more about instincts---instincts which were trying to warn me that something about the situation, relationship, or timing just wasn't right.
When I look back over my life now, I realize how many times that inner nudge tried to protect and lead me. I see that I am capable and do have significant, trust-filled relationships. And those people I have the deepest, closest friendships with haven't demanded trust from me or criticized if I didn't feel ready to offer it on their timetables.
My issue was not that I failed to trust enough,
but that I failed to trust the one person I needed to.
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