One Word 2013

I wanted to choose one word for last year
 
(http://oneword365.com),

but no particular word ever
'jumped' out at me.

Plus, I had that self-defeating attitude
I sometimes get---
I'm just one of hundreds. 
Who would care about 
my little word anyway?
  
But this year,
I am participating,

mainly because for the past few weeks,
a particular word continually returns to me:

Intentional.

I first sensed its whisper when my work schedule began slowing down a couple of weeks ago. As my time freed up and I experienced my first bit of quiet in the season of Advent, all my dreams and desires began resurrecting. All I feel my life is meant to be revealed itself clearly to me (again). I realized that in the rush of my frantic schedule and demands, I had lost touch with the truest part of myself and had neglected those dreams I know God intends for me to prioritize. Operating in that survival mode we sometimes experience when the demands of jobs or obligations drown us, I struggled to barely function.

But in the quiet that came after months of chaos, I felt the pull of the life I am meant to be living, the life that could easily pass me by unless I choose more intentionally.

So as I sat down over Christmas break to prepare my upcoming work schedule, I purposely built into it room for me to focus on those areas where I know God desires me to be more intentional.

The word continued to prompt me each day, in the most mundane moments. Driving out-of-town last week, trying to deal with the heaviness I still felt deep inside, I asked, "How can I be more intentional right now?" Looking around, my eyes awakened as they suddenly absorbed the beauty of the barren countryside---dried brown fields carefully protecting spring beneath the soil, until its proper time to burst forth, gray hooded skies reminding me that loveliness does not always appear in dramatic, vibrant colors.

I know life is often out of our control. Unforeseen circumstances and events we can't alter sometimes crowd our lives until we are merely coping. Obligations we must attend to---long work hours, duties that fall under our responsibility, necessary expenses we must earn the funds to pay, health issues---overtake our time and steal our focus.

But when I am able, I can be more intentional---instead of merely riding along whatever wave life tosses upon me.

When possible, I can commit to being more intentional with
my time, 
my efforts, 
my resources, 
my abilities, 
my relationships, 
my dreams, 
my confidence---
instead of simply acting out scripts others have written for me.

Two Thousand Thirteen.

As the clock strikes midnight on another year, this is what who I desire to be:

Intentional.