Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Nearly Imperceptible Nod

You could almost miss it.

Most people who were there in the audience,
I'm sure, did miss it.

That barely perceptible nod, saying "Now. Go!"

I sat in front of my computer screen, hungrily watching a music video I watch countless times---

when I need encouraging
or when I need to celebrate,
when I need to remember
that a God I can't completely unravel
longs for all of me:
  
my desirable attributes
and the qualities that sting my own heart,
my weaknesses that make me feel
more like a liability instead of an asset.

The musician part of myself noticed it---the guitar player's quick glance at the vocalist, the vocalist's barely discernible nod back to him, which signaled: "Yes. Now!" And the song transitioned into climactic height of the bridge. I always smile at that part, as I recall in delight every nonverbal communication that passes between members of a band on stage, unspoken messages to bring each suble piece together into a work of art.

I smile, also, because that is so often what I ache for: a nod. A clear wave of God's hand to move forward. Or a stop sign. Or yellow flashing lights warning of caution ahead.

And sometimes I don't see them. Sometimes my fear, emotions, and confusion obscure my view of any signals to halt or proceed. Sometimes I even wonder if God slightly veils those stop signs and green lights from my immediate vision, urging me to trust my heart's instincts to stop or go, reminding me that the full picture is not always laid out before us.

But I still yearn for it and sigh in relief
when I perceive his hand signaling: "Stop,"
or his head nodding: "Go."

Although I must often remind myself that
only once did God shine a brilliant star
over the exact road for his followers to take,
I am thankful for every moment
I sense even the slightest whisper, nod, or "wait" from him.

What about you? 
Do you desire reassurance from God when you don't know the answers?

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