A part of me felt anxious at the awareness an unexpected gift was coming, because the relationship just hadn't been working. Another part of me felt desperate anticipation. Maybe the gift was a sign of hope, a signal that things were about to turn around?
On Christmas Eve, I unwrapped the small package---a beautiful dainty bracelet of gold and diamonds. With the smallest size being too large for my wrist, links had been taken out and made into earrings. So not only did I have my very first gold diamond bracelet, but gold and diamond earrings to match. It was lovely, and I appreciated it.
That Christmas I did what every good girlfriend would do. When relatives asked me what I got for Christmas, I held out my wrist to display the extravagant gift. They exclaimed over its beauty and delicate design, and I experienced a moment close to what many women experience when they hold out their hand to proudly show off a glistening engagement ring. "This is how much I mean to somebody," the gift seemed to sparkle.
During long January days at work, I often paused to glance at the bracelet and touch its intricate pattern where it sparkled beneath my dental-receptionist scrubs, and I tried to conjure up those warm feelings of being a girlfriend so wanted by a man that he bought this exquisite, expensive gift.
But I couldn't access those feelings. The relationship had serious issues. And at the end of the day, the bracelet was only a bracelet---just gold and diamonds.
Just gold and diamonds.
A material possession.
It was 'stuff.'
Actually---I discovered---I felt kind of indifferent towards gold and diamonds.
I desired something more. Something a Christmas box couldn't contain.
My boyfriend and I broke up that year,
and I pawned the bracelet and earrings off to a co-worker for $35.
Over the past several years, my dissatisfaction with the significance placed on "stuff" has grown. Many Decembers I have wrapped Christmas presents in agitation or looked in disgust at the traffic consuming the street to the mall. I've sat through church services that showed Advent Conspiracy videos (like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN_MKsZgWEQ) and held in the tears until I got home. I've rolled my eyes at party invitations that included the line:
"To participate in the gift exchange, please bring a gift in the $20-25 price range,"
then responded with my RSVP, "Will be at the party, pass on the gift exchange."
This year, after buying a few little gifts for my family
and making mental plans to eventually buy more, I finally decided:
"No more. It stops here."
I actually do enjoy giving my family gifts and cherish the time we spend laughing around the Christmas tree. I know that extravagant gift-giving feels right for some people, just as the woman who poured costly ointment on Jesus' feet gave out of extravagant love, and gift-giving can cheer the heart of a person who needs that encouragement. My heart has often felt warmed and grateful for gifts given to me.
But I generally feel that the American practice of gift-giving is way out-of-hand and often based on customary obligations, and sometimes even irresponsible. People whose budgets are already strained to meet the demands of paying for practical needs like car insurance or doctor bills feel pressured to suddenly spend a few hundred dollars on items like sweaters, toys, or another matching scarf-and-glove set----for people who have no legitimate need of sweaters, toys, or another matching scarf-and-glove set. People whose true personalities don't correlate with shopping trips and long lines feel compelled to endure shopping trips and long lines as a prerequisite for showing up at a family event.
Then there is the bigger-picture dissatisfaction I feel: Unimaginable types of suffering are taking place all over the globe---communities wiped out by violence or natural disasters, hunger, poverty, human beings sold as slaves, people experiencing rape or abuse, and any other number of overwhelming tragedies---
And we worry about presents---
Oh my God.
That realization sometimes brings me to a place of awestruck disbelief---
we worry about presents.
And not even uncomplicated little presents or simple gestures that show our appreciation---but ridiculous, unnecessary, overpriced, department-store, wasteful amounts of shirts, gift cards, electronics, or ridiculous amounts of toys for the kids who are already being drenched in ridiculous amounts of toys.
And I've reached the point where I feel sickened by our priorities.
Whether we thrill at the thought of fancy gift exchanges or gravitate towards the most simplistic celebrations, I think we could all be more intentional about how we choose to give. Despite the advanced progress of the human race, we are still very much like pre-programmed robots that go right along continuing certain customs because "we've always done it that way," as if we are intellectually incapable of considering whether our current customs are truly enhancing or hindering the very reason we claim to celebrate Christmas, or if another alternative might be better.
No amount of jewelry or sweaters or gift cards has ever changed my life.
But I know there are people out there whose lives could be changed by particular gifts,
if we focused our resources in more intentional directions.
I have decided that my Christmas gift-giving this year will be very simple and basic.
My family has confirmed that if anyone wants to bring small gifts, they can;
and if they don't, just come hang out---
No presents required.
No keeping track of who brings gifts and who doesn't.
No keeping score of whose gift might have cost more or who didn't spend much at all.
The time we spend together around the tree matters; the gifts don't.
The gifts are only material possessions,
"stuff"---
just gold and diamonds.
This year,
I feel like I'm honoring Christmas.
1 comment:
LOVE this post! I think you hit the nail on the head, and so beautifully worded. I wish I had read this before Christmas, when I was compelled to endure some unnecessary shopping. :) Great insight.
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