The Trap of Flawlessness

I tell myself that everybody has one, if not more.....one weakness that is a consistent struggle and often appears more powerful than your best attempts to defeat it.

Playing music is an integral part of my life. I can think of a few things I feel quite certain I am supposed to be doing with my life, and performing music is one of them. Yet, along with the fulfillment it brings, it also throws me precisely into the middle of one of my biggest weakness: the need to always perform above and beyond, without any errors.

I know that a large extent of this drive is common for musicians and artists---carefully crafting each word,  note, or brushstroke to perfectly convey the message the artist wants to express. Those little details are what make dramatic differences in an artist's work. And sometimes this happens....sometimes the music inside comes out exactly the way I want it to and feels perfectly expressive, therapeutic, and beautiful. But other times, fingers stumble, rhythm slips, the preoccupied mind just can't fall completely into the song....After all, musicians (or writers, sculptors, painters....any role we play) are human beings, not robots that are pre-programmed to deliver a perfect performance or create a flawless product every time.

In those imperfect moments, I sense myself reverting back to my young schoolgirl mentality, trying to make straight A's to keep everyone happy, struggling to avoid disappointing anyone. This is the worst place for---not only a musician---but any human to be. That constricting mindset strangles our art, deters us from new attempts, elevates the significance of others' opinions, and inhibits our capacity to experience freedom, worship, joy...

After all, how many times have you really wanted to try something, but talked yourself out of it because you might mess up or other people might not think you are good enough?

Yet that is exactly the opposite of what God wants for us. I know he wants us to grasp just how freely he desires for us to live---free from obsessive fear of mistakes, free from living for other people's opinions. Free to just take a chance and try something new---and accept that whether or not others consider it good is not always the most important thing.

This life he offers us is not about endlessly performing flawlessly in hopes to receive approval from others, ourselves, or even God.

And his opinion is more important than the opinions of our critics, or even ourselves.

No matter how many other people might demand perfection from us....


He doesn't.