The Land of Indecision

I prefer to have an inward certainty before making a decision---that confident, inner voice assuring me that I simply must choose a particular option, with no nagging doubts. I struggle when I fall into that place of indecisiveness where I feel no strong pull in one direction or the other.

I wish I could say that I have found the solution for those times when I have no clue what choice to make. I haven't. I have learned a few things, however...

I have learned that sometimes I must simply quit worrying about what everyone else wants me to do. I'm not opposed to getting advice from wise, trustworthy friends to help me see things more clearly, but I have frequently noticed myself struggling with decisions simply because I had gotten caught up in what other people thought I "should" do, trying to gain their approval, confusing my heart's desires with their wishes for me. I've had times when my heart and my rational mind were strongly pushing me towards a decision that everyone else implied was the wrong choice or that I couldn't do it. It turned out the decision wasn't wrong, different than what they might have chosen, but just right for me.

When I am really tuned in, my body and mind often give me subtle signals on which way to turn. I was recently wrestling with a choice when I finally noticed myself getting shaky and queasy whenever I considered a particular option. I finally decided to quit over-analyzing every detail and pay attention to that cue.

One of the hardest lessons I've learned is that sometimes a decision doesn't have one specific, perfect solution. Sometimes we are in situations where we feel we can't win, no matter what we do, and any option seems to bring criticism and negative results. Weighing all the consequences and deciding which outcome is the best can be so much more overwhelming than it sounds.

I still don't know the answer for being in those tormenting moments of indecision. As my mom often says, "You don't have to know the answer today." More and more, I simply try to let go until I free my mind enough to see some of the signs I need to lead me. Then, once I do make my decision, I attempt to do what one of my pastors has encouraged me:

"Trust yourself. Make your decision then be confident in your instincts."