Why Do You Laugh?

Do you ever reach that point where your stress becomes funny? When it has all accumulated to a threshhold that when the next thing falls on top of the pile, you find yourself laughing?

broken air conditioner,
broken struts on car,
broken porch roof,
broken and leaky ceiling,
broken turning signal on car,
broken bumper, whiplash and pain,
broken dreams,
broken relationship,
broken engagement.
     
And eventually, you look at the list and laugh? You laugh because you don't know what else to do. You laugh because you can't spend every minute of every day crying. You laugh because bills still come in the mail, work days must still be completed, the house should still be cleaned, your body still needs food, doctor appointments should still be kept, and the yard still needs to be mowed.

You laugh because life feels broken, but you are still expected to keep up with it. You laugh because, if nothing else, "it could always be worse."

You laugh because a large part of you feels like you should finally throw in the towel and give up on some of your dreams---that goal you've worked towards for so long, ever finding that lifelong relationship, or whatever dream you thought would have been a reality long before now---

but a part of you still holds out hope that it isn't too late,
that you haven't missed the boat,
that what you long for still might happen.

And you laugh at yourself for having even that fractional amount of hope
when your circumstances seem to be screaming a different story.

And it just now hit me---Sarah laughed too (Genesis 18:1-15).
 
When she heard God's promise, she laughed, probably much the way I am laughing now:
"Oh, really, huh? After all I've been through and this stage I've reached in life, I'm still supposed to believe that what I long ago hoped for could still work out? When years have passed and all I've tried has failed, I'm still supposed to believe?"

Yes.
  
"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" (Gen. 18:14)

To me, my life looks like a laughing mess right now.
To me, goals and dreams and lifelong relationships look like desires I should forget
and---like Sarah---simply laugh about.

But maybe I don't need to give up completely.
Maybe, like in Genesis 18:13, God is asking,
"Why do you laugh? Is anything too hard for me?"

Maybe it isn't too late.

Maybe someday,
at the right time,
with the right people,
the dreams I thought would have been fulfilled long ago will still be fulfilled.

Maybe---like Sarah and Abraham---my life is moving right on schedule.

Maybe,
while I am rolling my eyes and snickering
at the absent chunks of my life that I have given up on,
God is looking straight at me and asking:

"Why do you laugh?"