A Dream Deflated

One of my deepest passions is music---playing it, writing it, singing it, teaching it....Although I feel the music wanting to ooze out of me, it also pushes me to a place of vulnerability since I feel like I'm sharing such a personal part of myself. I continually feel it tugging inside of me---something I feel I must do, as long as I am able, in order to feel whole and fulfilled. Hopefully, God will somehow use it to make a difference for someone.

Today someone criticized my abilities....

very easily, flippantly, like it was no big deal.

I'm often pretty good at brushing people's comments off and not taking them to heart; however, I was already feeling a little sensitive today. I walked to my studio and sat down, no longer able to fight the tears.
   
Until then, I had been excited about some music I'd been performing, even exuberantly talking about it. My heart felt like a bright, beautiful, cheerful balloon that someone passed by and carelessly stuck with a straight pin. Yet this happens. We have all had our share of circumstances, actions, or words that not only hurt us, but tempt to burst the most meaningful dreams inside of us, moments that make us question those aspirations which simply won't leave us alone.

All those questions ran through my mind today...Am I not good enough? Do I have any measure of talent at all? What if I have spent my whole life chasing the wrong goal? Should I just safely hide this pursuit within the sheltered four walls of my own home?
    
I decided no....I shouldn't safely hide this pursuit within the sheltered four walls of my own home. For whatever reason---doubts and questions aside---everything within me knows this is something I am meant to do. Maybe God is the only one who knows the reason. Perhaps one person will be encouraged by a line I write or some notes I play....or even by my courage or persistence. Maybe, if no one is encouraged by any of my notes or lyrics, the God who created music in the first place is nodding his head and tapping his foot to the rhythm, smiling the whole time.

For that hope alone, I must keep going.