Oh!! You Had A Birthday?

It's one of those things that happens from time to time, living in the same town as an ex and having mutual friends....I recently bumped into an old boyfriend. The first words from his mouth were, “Thanks for yesterday.”

I puzzled my brow. “Huh?” I asked. “What was yesterday?”

“It was my birthday. Thanks for remembering.”

“Oh!!! Yeah, it was your birthday, wasn’t it? Happy birthday! Was it a good one?”

While he briefly told me how he celebrated, my mind went elsewhere. I remembered the first summer after meeting him, when we were “sort of dating.” I was in the very early stages of my career, and money was extremely tight. I knew I couldn’t buy him a present like I wanted, but I was dying to give him something. Racking my brain, I recalled the two of us stopping at a gas station one day, where he had picked up a Take Five candy bar and said, “This is my favorite candy bar ever.”

Remembering that minute detail, I took the glass jar of coins off my desk and literally began counting out enough change to run to the store and buy a Take Five candy bar. I tied a thin, red ribbon around my purchase and used scissors to curl the ends of the ribbon.

A couple of days later, waiting for just the right moment when no one else was around, I shyly pulled his gift out from behind my back and said softly, “Here..I got you something for your birthday. I wanted to get you more…”

That became a tradition of ours. Every birthday, Christmas, or other special occasion often included a Take Five candy bar tied in ribbon with a cheerful, light note attached to it. Sometimes he didn’t eat them right away, but saved them in the stash of things he saved on top of his dresser. I remember overhearing him tell someone, “The best present I've ever gotten was when Misty gave me my favorite candy bar for my birthday. She works so hard and was going through such a tough time, but she remembered that was my favorite candy bar.”

Sweet, huh? Can you believe I used to be like that? Sometimes I wonder if I still have it in me, if someday I might meet a man who will bring back to life those aspects of myself which have lain dormant for so long.

If I was writing a fiction story, I would take a different direction here and write about how the young couple are closer and stronger than ever before and how she still slips his favorite candy bar and attached note in places around the house where he can find it.

Although I no longer wish for that ending, it would be a more pleasant story than the realistic, autobiographical version. But today, when he mentioned his birthday, I also felt a wave of relief, surprise, victory…

I had forgotten his birthday.

I hadn’t forgotten it out of spite or because I had deliberately pushed it out of my mind…I’d simply forgotten it because that is not where my mind dwells anymore. Failed relationships aren't the focal point of my day. I’m  too busy thinking about all the music I want to learn, all the articles I want to write, all the friends I want to spend time with, upcoming events at church. I’m thinking about how to beat my debilitating allergies, work my way up to an unassisted pull-up, and what to wear to my high school reunion. I’m thinking about how much I enjoy seeing my co-workers and working with my students. I’m thinking about how God has brought me through so many hurts in my life and how—realizing I’d forgotten the birthday of someone whose actions had once been a constant source of pain—this is one of those very things God has brought me through.

I know that old memories can often come back unexpectedly to haunt us. But, at this point in my life,

I don’t envy any of his new girls. I don’t wish it was my number he was texting. I’m glad I wasn’t spending this weekend celebrating with someone who wouldn’t want to celebrate me.

I know that someday I could meet someone, and the part of me that counted out coins to buy a favorite candy bar would probably come to life again. Yet, until that happens—or unless it happens—I really do believe that being on my own, happy with God and myself, is better than being with just anyone. No relationship comes with any guarantees, I understand, but why hand over my heart to someone who already seems apt to sling it around like a yo-yo.

I haven’t been worrying about any of those things lately, however. I haven’t been crying over  memories of candy bars wrapped in ribbon or feeling like my destiny is to be the girl who is easy to forget.

After all, it looks like I’m the one who is doing the forgetting these days.

I forgot his birthday.